Does coaching fit you?

The coaching service is without a doubt not for everyone.

It’s mainly used to coach those who:

Have undergone too much stress for too long, leading to exhaustion syndrome or burnout.
Suffer from long-term pain and need a wider approach than just tending to the physical parts or medications.
Try to battle depression and don’t get decent enough results when just using medication.

To some it might sound like a really big commitment to do a bothersome coaching-thing for twelve weeks, but meeting for just a few times is often a disappointment if the issues are big. Big expectations, big problems and little time obviously won’t work for something complex. Behavioral changes take time. Long-term stress, exhaustion, depression and/or long-term pain won’t disappear in a couple of weeks regardless of how hard we try. 12 weeks however, has shown to be able to do a tremendous impact. That doesn’t say you’re done in those weeks. Some are – but if you’re too long gone it might take more time. You do however know how to keep going yourself afterwards. It’s enough time to try, fail and try again, which is the nature of learning while having someone to ask, while you can get help – to eventually get enough room to succeed, relax and get a change in the always present underlying stress response. Doing this while also changing the behaviors that led there and changing the situation of the individual that might have been the cause of the behaviors in the first place gives a lovely chance of getting to a way better place in 12 weeks. In these weeks you start progressing, you’re suddenly on your way and know how to get to where you want to be and the way there. If it does take more time you generally don’t need anyone else for the journey.

What’s the school book example of a client?

That doesn’t really exist – but some things are more common than others. Those who suffer, and look for help to get better from, their symptoms, regardless of if they’re from pain, mental- or stress-related illness are generally women. There are statistics, but to get great statistics out of the mix of all the diagnostics, therapies and treatments would likely be quite the hassle. High performers or “type A” personalities are those who get here when it comes to stress however. Those are often office workers of some kind, leaders and managers – generally in the middle so they’re got plenty of responsibility but they’re not totally in control – or company owners, but might as well be healthcare workers. People who want to perform more than they are capable of. Those who work practically always, except for when she’s exercising like a maniac. The most common age-span might be ~25-45.

For those, moderation doesn’t exist.

The most common ones are those who come here after having tried healthcare. Sometimes for a couple of years, sometimes ten – fifteen, sometimes just once and sometimes A LOT, regardless there’s no success what so ever, and they come here as a more or less ruined.

It’s not uncommon to:
Walk in the door and cry most of the first visit (except for unreasonable amounts here and there in everyday life).
Be depressed and gather 25+ points when doing a MADRS-S test.
Be bothered by the entire body aching; it’s not even uncommon to be able to create a long list of things that hurt covering the area between the top of the head, as in tension headache and the soles of the feet.
Be unable to sleep, but try to nap twice daily
Have a heart racing, anxiety and panic attacks.
Ruminate
Can’t remember things.
Completely disorganized.

Perhaps tried to brute-force it, work and “help out at the office” but didn’t really get any job done; it rather created more job for the others to clean up afterwards.

Doctors have prescribed a bunch of medications in an attempt to do something, anti-depressants, opioids, muscle relaxants, gabapentin for nerve pain and likely something to sleep on… but the results are rather MORE symptoms in the form of side effects.

Client feels hopeless.

So, the client comes here – actually asks for advice – and takes it to heart. Really WANTS a change. Listens, tries, fails, tries again… keeps going. Changes things, acts and gets away from what’s making things worse. Goes through the project wholeheartedly. Then takes the time for – and uses the little energy she’s got to do the changes needed to REST and suppress the ever present stress response.

Step by step turning the downward spiral into one going upward.
Less pain gives better sleep.
Better sleep gives less pain.
Less anxiety gives peace of mind.
More sleep.
Doing something pleasant and/or meaningful gives the joy they need to feel pleased.
Contempt.
Pleased enough to do something that usually feels WAY TOO hard.
Proud.
Another good nights rest.
Starts eating decently; depression usually made her skip it; didn’t want to and didn’t care.
Inserts food, gets energy.
Positive things happen and she gets forward.

Suddenly (though gradually?) after years of pain practically all over and an almost completely useless brain one might notice that it doesn’t have to take ages to get WAY BETTER. As long as there’s a plan and steps in the right direction. Decently functioning and practically pain free after 12 weeks. In the context and compared to earlier results – a miracle. But… not really.

It’s not uncommon for those to go from more or less complete misery to joy and it’s not just once I’ve seen clients start out crying and end up saying “I LOVE LIFE.” after the project. I remember one of those who expressed just that. The last day of the project she came through the door in a really yellow summer-dress, happier than ever, telling me she just came from a walk where she’d been picking sunflowers; then she expressed just that. How she loves life – and that’s practically for the first time ever. From being one of the ones who cried for a big part of our first meeting to that.

I love those. When people really go for it – change things up – and smash the goals and do far more than they thought was possible.

Though there are more women than men who are bothered I’ve tended to both men and women, students and teachers and from young to older and I aim to help people get their lives back regardless of age and gender. I want them to once again be fully functioning after being ruined by too much stress or pain. To get pain free, rid of depressive symptoms and get the energy to be awake an entire day without crashing, panic attacks or hours of napping.

All of the statistics and parameters with age, gender and who gets what seem to get more and more fuzzy and get less and less accurate as time goes. Depressive symptoms and anxiety among kids get more common and pure exhaustion seems to happen to younger and younger people – and definitely happen among men as well. Depression and long-term pain seems to be more prevalent in women, though that doesn’t really matter for the patient who suffers from it.

Gender doesn’t matter.
Age doesn’t matter.

Entire article series:
What Purpose Do I Serve?
Bio-Psycho-Social Perspective
What Is Coaching?
Does Coaching Fit You?
I’m Not Cheap.
Worth Thinking Of