Introduction: Does coaching fit you?

The coaching service and the information I rant about HERE is without a doubt not for everyone.

It’s mainly used to coach, help and inform those who:
Have undergone too much stress for too long, leading to exhaustion syndrome or burnout.
Suffer from long-term pain and need a wider approach than just tending to the physical parts or medications.
Try to battle depression and don’t get decent enough results when just using medication.

To some it might sound like a really big commitment to do a bothersome coaching-thing for twelve weeks, but meeting for just a few times is often a disappointment if the issues are big. Big expectations, big problems and little time obviously won’t work for something complex. Behavioral changes take time. Long-term stress, exhaustion and/or long-term pain won’t disappear in a couple of weeks regardless of how hard we try. 12 weeks however, has shown to be able to do a tremendous impact. That doesn’t say you’re done in those weeks. Some are – but if you’re too long gone it might take more time. But you do however know how to keep going yourself afterwards. It’s enough time to try, fail and try again, which is the nature of learning while having someone to ask, while you can get help – to eventually get enough room to succeed, relax and get a change in the always present underlying stress response. Doing this while also changing the behaviors that led there and changing the situation of the individual that might have been the cause of the behaviors in the first place gives a lovely chance of getting to a way better place in 12 weeks. In these weeks you start progressing, you’re suddenly on your way and know how to get to where you want to be and the way there. If it does take more time you generally don’t need anyone else for the journey.

What’s the school book example of a client?

That doesn’t really exist – but some things are more common than others. Those who suffer, and look for help to get better from, long-term pain, mental- and stress-related illness are generally women. There are statistics, but to get great statistics out of the mix of all the diagnostics, therapies and treatments would likely be quite the hassle. High performers or “type A” personalities are those who get here when it comes to stress however. Those are often office workers of some kind, leaders, mid-level managers or company owners, but might as well be healthcare workers. People who want to perform more than they are capable of. Those who work practically always, except for when she’s exercising like a maniac. The most common age-span might be ~30-40.

For those, moderation doesn’t exist.

The most common ones are those who come here after having tried healthcare for a couple of years with no success what so ever and starts out as a more or less ruined person.

It’s not uncommon to:Walk in the door and cry most of the first visit (except for unreasonable amounts here and there in everyday life).Be depressed and gather 25+ points when doing a MADRS-S test.Be bothered by the entire body aching; it’s not even uncommon to be able to create a long list of things that hurt covering the area between the top of the head, as in tension headache and the soles of the feet.Be unable to sleep, but try to nap twice daily.

There’s a heart racing, anxiety and perhaps even panic attacks.
Ruminates.
Can’t remember things.
Completely disorganized.

Perhaps tried to brute-force it, work and “help out at the office” but didn’t really get job done; she created more job for the others to clean up.

Doctors have prescribed a bunch of medications in an attempt to do something, anti-depressants, opioids, muscle relaxants, gabapentin for nerve pain and likely something to sleep on… but the results are rather MORE symptoms in the form of side effects.

Client feels hopeless.

So, the client comes here – actually asks for advice – and takes it to heart. Really WANTS a change. Listens, tries, fails, tries again… keeps going. Changes things, acts and gets away from what’s making things worse. Goes through the project wholeheartedly. Then takes the time for- and uses the little energy she’s got to do the changes needed to REST and suppress the ever present stress response.

Step by step turning the downward spiral into one going upward.
Less pain gives better sleep.
Better sleep gives less pain.
Less anxiety gives peace of mind.
More sleep.
Doing something pleasant and/or meaningful gives the joy one needs to feel pleased.
Contempt.
Pleased enough to do something that usually feels WAY TOO hard.
Proud.
Another good nights rest.
Starts eating decently; depression usually made her skip it; didn’t want to and didn’t care.
Inserts food, gets energy.
Positive things happen and she gets forward.

Suddenly (though gradually?) after years of pain practically all over and an almost completely useless brain notice that it doesn’t have to take ages to get WAY BETTER. As long as there’s a plan and steps in the right direction. Decently functioning and practically pain free after 12 weeks. In the context and compared to earlier results – a miracle. But… not really.

It’s not uncommon for those to go from more or less complete misery to joy and it’s not just once I’ve seen clients start out crying and end up saying “I LOVE LIFE.” after the project. I love those. When people really go for it – change things up – and smash the goals and do far more than they thought was possible. Though there are more women than men who are bothered I’ve tended to both men and women, students and teachers and from young to older and I aim to help people get their lives back regardless of age and gender. I want them to once again be fully functioning after being ruined by too much stress or pain. To get pain free, rid of depressive symptoms and get the energy to be awake an entire day without crashing, panic attacks or hours of napping. All of these parameters seem to get more and more fuzzy and get less and less accurate as time goes. Depressive symptoms and anxiety among kids get more common and pure exhaustion seems to happen to younger and younger people – and definitely happen among men as well. Depression and long-term pain seems to be more prevalent in women, though that doesn’t really matter for the patient who suffers from it.

Gender doesn’t matter.
Age doesn’t matter.

I’m pragmatic and personal. When I take on cases head on it’s a quite intimate coaching-service. We’ll take the time we need to dig around in private matters. It’ll take time and it’ll be a hassle – but it’s for a really good cause. These are complex matters and it’s necessary to be able to discuss what matters as well as trusting the process and having a good enough relationship to get things done together. I’m doing this because I care about you and your results – and this has been shown to give amazing results to people before.

People really don’t seem to be made for today and despite that it’s obviously their fate. We can’t really change the whole world. But we can change us. The world we live in can be accepted or one could, of course, just move into the jungle. Handling the modern way of life seems to require that some people learn a few things about what to focus on, and how to react to it.

Plenty of people obviously think they’re made to live in the modern world, since it’s the only thing they know. Kind of like fish in the ocean taking water for granted. If that fish happens to get into the wrong kind of water, deep sea into shallow or fresh into salt, that would be comparable to people today. It’s not instant but it’s bad. We’re not really made for the environment – and there’s not really much help to get when it happens.

Healthcare doesn’t seem to do the trick since people are complex and so is stress and these questions often get quite abstract. In all too many cases they are practically invisible, come gradually and then make you completely broken. It seems to requires a holistic approach, which seems to be hard to find. Some tend to brains, some to pills, some to the physical aspects and some to… It quickly sums up to plenty of people and a lot of appointments if there’s a lot of symptoms, which is really common.

When healthcare doesn’t have the time, energy or resources to take care of, get to know and manage the entire individual but just the “diagnosis”, you might need something else. I want to help people who suffer and are helpless since healthcare really doesn’t do the trick, have the resources or the interest. The eclectic approach that tend to all aspects like this, seems to do the trick quite well.

Some question if the industry should be defined as healthcare, wellness, life-coaching with focus on escaping misery or something entirely different?

I’ll be the life- and health coach, therapist, support, leader and friend you’ll need. I want to do what’s necessary for you to succeed to achieve the goals we’ve set.

As long as we find something that makes you progress, that ought to be what matters and you’ve got my full support.

If you suppress anxiety, relax muscles and get pain relief with THC – I’m glad you’ve found a tool that works!
If you actually manage to break through the darkness in their depression by using psilocybin – awesome! We don’t use it within healthcare yet, but if that’s what is working for you, I’m nothing but pleased.
Found pleasure and stress relief for the first time when trying out quite hardcore BDSM? Well… Creative idea! Well done.

I try to ask about,
I try to reason about –
and I try to discuss
whatever might be relevant
to those I meet.
Nothing’s holy.

We will however not settle with just talking. There are plenty of people who’ve been helped by talk therapy alone in different issues, I’m sure, but in the case with exhaustion, I’m quite certain that we need change. If change is NOT what you’re searching for, but you rather want more of a speak-your-mind- and ease-your-heart-approach, I’m not your choice.

As always, I’m not a doctor and I don’t play one on the internet. I can not and will not prescribe any medications. We will, in our relationship, settle with what’s available without them. Although, I do not mind medications prescribed by others as long as they are useful or necessary. In your relationship with me we will have a wider perspective and change things you can control yourself.

From these first parts you ought to have a decent clue about how I’m looking at this and you might know if the coaching is a good fit for you. It doesn’t have to be. It’s definitely not for everyone. If you’re curious but unsure, keep reading, and checking things out – or feel free to get to www.mbdolor.com/contact to ask about it and we’ll see if I can help you.

If we are to chat, I’ll start out with a bunch of questions to get a decent picture of the problem. I don’t want to work with everyone. I want to help the ones I can help and those who want to help themselves. I don’t want to try to work with people who want me to solve everything, since that’s impossible. I don’t want to work with people who don’t think there’s anything to do. I don’t want to work with people who see themselves as victims and who don’t want to act to get away from there. If you just want a magical change, I’m not your guy. I can’t really help you with that and it’s not worth trying. The solution is often customized, that’s fine, but it’s up to YOU to do the magic. I can just show you how to.

In short it’s about learning to take care of yourself. Ration and reload energy is often how we start out if you’re tired. Then we try to recover from the misery you’ve been in, often for quite some time. That’s done in this wide approach I keep mentioning. Affect the body, behaviors and environment while focusing on what’s truly essential and important in life. This often include hunting some demons; if there’s anxiety around we’ll have to do something about that since it drains a lot of energy. Changing focus is often useful, how that’s done depends on what the problem is. Is the problem performance and doing? Ruminating and brooding? Where do I want to go and what do I want to do? The coaching is done in twelve weeks where we start out by mapping out life, looking at what needs to be changed and then it’s… hrm… “just to go for it!”.

We’ll look at physical aspects, food, exercise, behaviors, environmental factors you can affect and sleep, social life and well… most things worth tending to when trying to deduce where the energy is leaking. That’s often more or less obvious, but the solution and taking care of both the problems and you are rarely as obvious. You’ll have to look at your entire life if you do this by yourself. I would If I’d help you. Human lives are complex and it has been shown that it’s necessary to do so to get really good results with these cases. There needs to be a will to get better. It’s work, but the results are often marvelous.

The biggest, loveliest point of doing it this way rather than with pills is that you’re taking ownership and responsibility of your own life. That seems to be really empowering and it seems to make people grow tremendously.

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